And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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