Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
