All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
