Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
