Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Soap is not a condiment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.