i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED