I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.