I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?