nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."