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he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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