do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
