im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
