do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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