the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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