On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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