I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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