Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
