Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
