Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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