I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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