What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
