I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
