I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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