Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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