Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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