So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
