Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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is that a dick in a sweater?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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