What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
