You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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