Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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