If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize