we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
