At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
