I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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