I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
