I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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