I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even my farts smell like vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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