If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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