Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
