I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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