so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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