Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
