i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
