You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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