I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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