Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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