Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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