God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
