um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
