So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
