i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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