people are starting to question the shark bite story
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
