wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
