I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize