It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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