If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
