when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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