oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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