If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
