i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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