I wanna bring you to show and tell
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
