Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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