A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
