They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
